


Dying Breath

by KrysKrossZee



Series: Quinzee's Soulmate Fics [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Battle of Hogwarts, Complete, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Lavender Brown Lives, Love Confessions, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Not Canon Compliant - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, POV Second Person, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-19 00:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22636144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrysKrossZee/pseuds/KrysKrossZee
Summary: What happens when the Golden Trio are off searching for horcruxes? Who's there to help the students escape from the clutches of the Carrows? Neville and Seamus have been busy building up Dumbledore's Army in Harry's absence which has been a happy distraction for Seamus who has been missing his boyfriend Dean. But Seamus hasn't been alone, he's had his best friend Lavender there by his side to help remind him that the war would be over soon and to keep him focused on the things that matter.
Relationships: Lavender Brown/Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas
Series: Quinzee's Soulmate Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1822942
Comments: 17
Kudos: 14
Collections: Hermione's Nook RarePair Soulmate Fest





	1. Chapter 1

Seamus could tell that Neville was desperately trying to hold back tears. It didn’t matter that they were seventeen now or that they had both seen so much more in their lives, pain was pain and the fact that Neville’s hand was now bleeding with the words ‘blood traitor’ burning his skin made Seamus wince. He knew how much the quills hurt, how much the anger built up like bile in your stomach when you were made to endure such a senseless punishment for something that shouldn’t have been punished in the first place.

The words didn’t even reflect the punishment. Neville had stopped in the hallway to help a first year student, and ignored Snape when he had tried to get him to move along. Seamus knew how much Snape terrified Neville and despite the fact that the boy in front of him was tearing up about the cuts on the back of his hand, he knew how much braver his friend had become in the last few years.

“Come on.” He said softly as he took a hold of Neville’s arm and led him up the winding staircases away from the dungeons to the place that had slowly become their safe haven - the Room of Requirement.

Upon opening the door, Seamus immediately felt like he was at home. He closed his eyes as the heat from the roaring fire washed over him and he couldn’t stop the tiny smile from creeping onto his lips.

He forced himself to open his eyes again though as he felt Neville pulling away from him and saw that the boy - no, the man - he was proud to call his leader being hugged by a small girl. He heard her say a small “thank you” before she ran off.

It was the small things like that that reminded him why he and Neville, and all the others, were even doing this in the first place. It wasn’t to fight in a war, to defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, to bring down the ‘teachers’ that made their lives a misery. No, Seamus did this so that students like that girl met no harm at the school he had once loved to attend, so that they wouldn’t suffer like he had, so that they would have somewhere safe that they could go to when things did get bad.

He nodded his head towards the fireplace when he got Neville’s attention back and the pair of them headed over towards it, sitting down in the biggest, comfiest armchairs that the other students basically knew to save for them at this point. He grabbed a bowl from the ground and filled it with water before taking Neville’s hand and a soft rag.

Neville was silent and Seamus couldn’t help but wonder what was going through the other man’s mind, but he didn’t dare ask. Instead he let his mind wander, let himself wonder if their friends who couldn’t be there with him were okay. He knew no-one had heard from Ron, Harry, or Hermione in almost as long as he’d gone without hearing a thing from Dean. He knew it was driving Ginny to the end of her tether, not knowing whether her brother or the man she loved were alive or dead. He knew how she felt, at least in part.

* * *

“Shay?” Lavender called out as she entered the Room of Requirement, her eyes darting around as she scanned each hammock. She’d just been stuck in detention with the Carrows for what had felt like an eternity. She knew had been for a good cause; she’d taken the heat for a younger student who would not have been able to withstand that sort of torture. “Oi! Seamus! Where are you?”

“Over here!” The Irish boy called from where he was sat by the fire bathing Neville’s hand in a bowl of water. “Shit, Lav!” He was on his feet in an instant, almost knocking the bowl and it’s contents flying all over Neville in the process.

“I’m fine.” Lavender said quietly as she held out a hand to Neville. While he now was better at defensive and offensive spells than he used to be, she knew that healing spells lay just outside of his comfort zone, and you’d have to be desperate to ask Seamus to perform one.

“You’re fecking fine!” Seamus exclaimed, his fingers now touching the swollen area around Lavender’s eyes. “What the hell did they do to you?”

Lavender shook him off. She didn’t have the will to explain to him. She knew that if she did then she would end up bursting into tears and they couldn’t afford that, not when they were trying to restore morale in the younger students. “Neville, just give me your hand.”

Without even looking at Seamus, she knew that he was mad at her. She could feel it practically radiating off of him, but she chose to ignore him as she went about her work, healing the hands of her classmates as best she could.

Eventually Parvati found her way into the RoR and set to work on Lavender’s eye, fixing her a cup of tea when they were done and forcing her to sit down and rest.

“He’s watching you again.” Parvati said under her breath as Lavender leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. Her head was pounding but she put that down mainly to her exhaustion rather than her injury.

“He’ll do that for a while.” Lavender mumbled, nudging Parvati with her foot. “Try not to stare, yeah?”

“I’m not.” Parvati insisted, though Lavender couldn’t quite believe her on that one.

“He’s my best friend, Parv.” Lavender reminded the girl as she opened one eye slowly.

“Your best friend, huh?” Parvati was raising an eyebrow at her so she quickly closed her eyes again, deciding that it was just easier to avoid the judgement. She knew what Parvati and Padma thought was going on between her and Seamus.

“Second best friend.” Lavender corrected herself, though she knew that wasn’t exactly true either, but it was complicated.

Parvati was silent for a while which suited Lavender just fine as she was able to rest for a few minutes.

“He’s coming over” were the words to break the silence.

Lavender opened her eyes just in time to see that Parvati was right and Seamus was now in front of her.

“Can we talk?” He asked, glancing sideways at Parvati who was already on her feet.

“Yeah, sure.” Lavender shook her head slightly at Parvati, telling her to sit back down. The type of ‘talks’ she and Seamus had, usually meant that it was them that had to leave. One or both usually ended up breaking down in some shape or form.

Lavender followed Seamus out of the RoR and into a nearby classroom when he turned to face her. His fingers met her face again.

“Shay, I told you, I’m fine.” She said quietly, though she didn’t push him away from her this time. It was always different when the two of them were alone. It toyed with her emotions, her feelings, which was why she knew it was a bad idea, but she let it happen anyway. She knew he was in love with Dean though, and she knew he would never feel the same way about her.

But here she was. And here he was, making her feel all the things she didn’t want to feel.

“This…” Seamus began but trailed off as his gaze met Lavender’s. He swallowed tightly before coughing to clear his throat. “I just… You mean a lot to me, Lav. And I just don’t…” He stuttered out, failing to put what he wanted to say into words.

Lavender moved to wrap her arms around him tightly. “I know.” She said quietly. She did know. She knew he hadn’t seen or even heard from Dean in months. She knew he was terrified. All they knew was that he was alive out there somewhere.

“I can handle detention.” She reassured him as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You’re not gonna get rid of me that easily.”

Seamus wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Lavender felt how tense he was, but then everyone was tense. They were in the middle of a war after all, and any day now she expected to hear the news that it was all over.

* * *

Dean groaned as he rolled over and shifted the pinecone that had been trying to lodge itself in the middle of his back. He was used to this by now though. He had been sleeping rough for the better part of a year.

He opened his eyes as he realised that he wasn’t going to get back to sleep anytime soon. He was frozen and the sun was already getting up so he figured it was probably about time to make a move.

“Ted?” He called out quietly as he sat up, looking around for the muggle-born man that he was on the run with. He spotted the sleeping bag where Ted had been and figured that he was probably off getting water or something.

Dean rubbed a hand down his face. He was sure he had aged about ten years in the last nine months. Seventeen going on twenty-seven. It wasn’t the fear of being caught or the stress of living in the wilderness that was the worst though. It was the being away from Seamus that killed him. He didn't know how Seamus was or how he was handling school or anything.

He shook himself out of his thoughts before he had time to dwell on them for too long. They were meant to move on again today so he knew that the longer he sat around, the longer it would take for them to actually get on the road, so to speak.

He got himself to his feet and bundled up his sleeping bag before scanning the area for Ted. He knew the older man wouldn’t have gone far, but his anxiety was pretty much ingrained into him at this point. He didn’t want to call too loud though; they couldn’t be sure who was listening, who was nearby. There were snatchers all around these parts - hell, there were snatchers everywhere.

Dean busied himself by packing up Ted’s things and then finding himself something to eat in the backpack.

“Hey.” Ted’s voice made him jump, despite the fact that it was exactly the sound that he had been waiting for. “We’re not alone.”

Dean gave a short nod as he pulled the bag up onto his back. “Ready to make a move then?” He asked as he looked around them. He knew that if they were being watched, then the snatchers wouldn’t make themselves obvious but it was more habit than anything else.

They walked for a while and though Dean knew that they were going in a straight line, it still felt as though they were going around in circles. Every single tree looked the same to him now, but then that was what often happened when you had to live amongst them day in and day out.

When they finally stopped by the side of some caves, Dean let the backpack drop to the ground and sat on a nearby log, his hands moving to rub over his face again. He knew he was doing this to keep his loved ones safe, to make sure that Voldemort and his followers had no reason to go after his muggle family, but it was killing him slowly.

“You alright?” Ted asked, breaking the silence that Dean hadn’t even noticed had fallen between them as he handed him a bottle of water.

“Yeah, just...losing hope.” Dean admitted quietly. There was no point in hiding anything from Ted. They had been practically living in each other’s pockets for too long for secrets to exist between them.

“It’ll be over soon.” Ted gave his trademark answer as he sat on the ground opposite Dean with a groan.

“You say that, but… I don’t even know how long we’ve been out here now. I’ve lost all track of time and I just - I want to go home, Ted. I want to see my mum. I want to see my sisters. I want to see Seamus. I want to wrap my arms around them all and tell them how much I love them.” Dean sighed and shook his head slightly.

“I miss my family too.” Ted said quietly. “And it won’t be long until we can get back to them. I can feel it in the air.”

Dean looked up at Ted, his head tilted to the side slightly as he found himself wondering, not for the first time, how the man could stay so positive all the time. He was thankful for it though. His own positivity was slowly dwindling even more everyday, but Ted was always there to perk everything back up. “I wish we could tell them how much we miss them though.” He said finally, after a few more moments of silence.

“They know.” Ted said simply. “They know because they miss us just as much. Your boyfriend, your mum, your sisters, my wife, my daughter, her husband... They all know.”

Dean paused for a moment before he cleared his throat. “They’re all okay though..” He was doing his best to be as positive as Ted now. “My mum and sisters have each other and Seamus, he has Lavender.”

“Lavender?” Ted asked as he threw Dean a squished sandwich from the bottom of the backpack. “Who’s she then?”

“His best friend. She’s honestly a gem.” Dean said with a soft sort of smile. He knew that he could always count on Lavender to be there for Seamus. She was usually the one that helped him to see sense, something he would definitely need in these times.


	2. Chapter 2

Lavender was used to waking up in Seamus’ arms now. He needed her there and she had come to accept that. Neville tended to sleep in the Room of Requirement to keep an eye on the younger students, so that usually just left Seamus alone in his dorm. Fortunately Parvati never seemed to notice her absence, or if she did then she never said anything. She knew that if they did ever talk about it then Parvati was sure to use this as another example of how she knew that Lavender was in fact falling for Seamus, so Lavender just never brought it up.

Seamus was the one who was there for her when Ron had shattered her heart into a million pieces - Parvati had been there too, of course, but she was much less sympathetic and often pointed out that she had been warned. Their friendship was a mutual one, that was for sure. She looked out for him and he did the same for her without fail.

Slowly, she glanced up at his face. He was still sound asleep, his arms wrapped around her tightly. It made her feel slightly queasy to think about it, to think that there was a possibility that there were some feelings there. Seamus was never meant to be her crush. She was never meant to think of him that way. But here she was, watching him sleep and having him hold her close. 

She let out a soft sigh as she wondered why she couldn’t find a boy like Seamus. She wasn’t desperate to find someone but she knew that when Dean came back, moments like this would end and she would find herself back out in the cold - so to speak. Her friendship with Seamus was very different to her friendship with Parvati as well.

While she loved Parvati with all her heart, it wasn’t the same sort of love that she felt for Seamus, though they were both her best friends. She was scared that when Dean came back, everything would be completely different, but she knew that she did want him to come back because she wanted and needed for Seamus to be happy. His happiness was far more important than her own.

Lavender closed her eyes again and tried to put all of her thoughts back out of her head. The more that she thought about Seamus, the more her brain was trying to convince her that Parvati might be right, that there was a small chance that she might just have feelings different than friendship about her relationship with Seamus. She swallowed thickly as she watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. She couldn’t let herself fall for him. That would just be setting herself up for heartbreak and there was more than enough of that going around.

She decided to try and get some more sleep. She knew she probably wouldn’t manage to sleep now, but she couldn’t just lie here and allow herself to dwell on these thoughts when there were more pressing things to worry about in life.

* * *

Seamus blinked his eyes open, his hand rubbing Lavender’s back sleepily before he realised that they’d fallen asleep together in his bed. It was the new normal. He couldn’t sleep alone anymore, not since losing contact with Dean anyway, but that didn’t stop the guilt that he woke up with everyday that it was Lavender in his arms.

How he felt about Dean had not and would never change, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t starting to feel something for his best friend. It wasn’t a something that had ever been there before, he knew that for a fact. Lavender had kissed him once before after all. She’d promised then that it had meant nothing to her either. She was doing it as a favour to him after all, and she had still been hung up on Ron - something he never quite understood in the first place but that was neither here nor there.

“Lav…” He said softly as he tried to wake her as gently as possible. It wasn’t that he particularly wanted to get up, but he was all too aware that their presence would be missed by Neville in not too long.

“Five more minutes.” The brunette mumbled as she hid her face against his chest.

Seamus couldn’t help but smile. Even in these dire times, she somehow managed to make things feel somewhat easy.

“Okay. Five more minutes.” He conceded as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, his fingers playing with the end of her hair.

The guilt was easier to ignore when she was awake, when she was just being his best friend and not… Well he didn’t know what. There wasn’t really a word to describe what she was to him. He supposed up until the end of sixth year, it had always been him and Dean against the world. It hadn’t been easy for him to allow someone else to fill the void that his boyfriend had left behind. It hadn’t been easy to let himself rely on someone who wasn’t Dean. He often found himself wonder if Dean had a Lavender wherever he was. He more often than not found himself hoping that he had a Lavender.

She’d been his friend for the last seven years, his best friend for the last three, so he knew that Dean didn’t have a relationship exactly like this, but he at least hoped that he had someone he could seek out comfort and support in.

* * *

Dean stumbled, rolling over his own ankle and ducked behind a tree as a curse flew his way. The tree crumbled to ashes in an instance. He swore under his breath as he scrambled to his feet, his eyes darting around as he tried to find Ted. He knew their pact had said that if they’d ever gotten separated in a situation like this then he was just meant to apparate away, meant to save himself, but he couldn’t just leave the man that he’d practically called ‘Dad’ over the better part of a year.

Finally he spotted him. Ted was sprinting across a clearing. A snatcher hot on his heels.

Then the words rang through the night air, followed by a blinding green light. “Avada Kedavra.”

Dean watched in horror as Ted crashed to the ground, but he didn’t wait around. He quickly stunned the snatcher, ran over to Ted and apparated them both to another forest.

Dean then dropped to his knees and promptly threw up. Ted was dead. He rolled the man over and stared into his eyes. He knelt there for a very long time before he slowly reached out to close Ted’s eyelids.

Dean watched as Ted’s body glowed a silvery white and a chameleon patronus rose up from his chest. He cast his eyes down as the patronus kissed Ted’s forehead before disappearing. He knew that it would now go find Ted’s wife and tell her the last thing that he wanted to say. He dreaded the day that he’d be sending Seamus one.

Dean sat there for a few minutes longer, willing himself not to cry. It wouldn’t help either of them. “I’m sorry.” He told Ted’s body quietly as he stood up. If he thought he had the time to bury the man, he would have, but as it was, he knew he needed to move on. Magic could be traced and he couldn’t risk being found. He couldn’t risk his biggest fear becoming reality.

He gently removed the backpack from Ted’s back, shouldering it before he started walking. Part of him wanted to stop in at his house, to see his mum, and have her kiss his cheeks, but the reason he’d left in the first place was to keep her safe.


	3. Chapter 3

Seamus was attempting to get some of his potions essay out of the way so that there wouldn’t be any reason for the Carrows to throw him in detention when he saw a pair of knees level with his parchment. Slowly his eyes tracked up when the person didn’t speak and his eyes met with Ginny’s. Her eyes were red and blotchy but he decided he better not draw attention to this fact. Ginny was known for her temper after all.

“Hi?” He asked, mostly expecting her to ask where Neville was. The two of them were close after all.

“Hi.” She said quietly as she dropped into the armchair beside him, her body crumpling over wearily. “I...I have some news.”

Seamus put his quill down, his heart now pounding in his chest as he stared at her. She looked too calm to be delivering the news that Harry had died, but then he didn’t know what her grieving looked like. Maybe she was the type to put on a brave front? He couldn’t tell.

Ginny cleared her throat before continuing. “It’s not much news, but I thought it might help you, might give you some peace of mind or something. Um. Dean. He’s alive. Safe, mostly.”

“How do you know this?” Seamus asked slowly, wondering if he should question what the ‘mostly’ part meant or if he was best to leave that well alone.

“I’ve had word that… Um. He was with a friend of my family.” Ginny told him and he saw her look down and heard the sob rising in her throat that she quickly swallowed down. “The friend - he was Lupin’s father-in-law actually - he talked about Dean in his…” She trailed off.

Seamus gave a small nod. He didn’t need to ask what she meant by that. The fact that she was using past tense to talk about the man gave more than enough away. He leaned over to pat Ginny’s arm gently, comforting her awkwardly but as best he could; they weren’t close and while he wanted to be sympathetic for her, his heart was singing that Dean was alive and well.

Seamus watched as Ginny gave him a small, half-smile before she stood up again. “I just thought you’d want to know.”

Seamus paused as he remembered that just last year, Dean had been in a relationship with Ginny and he wondered how he could have managed to forget that but then he supposed that last year felt like it was a lifetime ago.

“I - thanks.” He said quietly as he looked up at her. He wondered if she still cared for Dean. She knew that she was in love with Harry - that she had been for years, Neville had told him during one of his insecure meltdowns the previous year - but he also knew that feelings didn’t just go away overnight and Dean? Well, Dean was just… great.

Ginny nodded before she headed on over to a group of sixth years that he knew she was friends with, leaving him to his thoughts.

Seamus drew in a slow, steady breath and let himself silently rejoice in the news that Dean was okay. He let himself cling onto the hope that Dean would still return to him one day, one day when this was all over. He couldn’t wait to tell Lavender.

* * *

Lavender met Seamus as requested in their usual abandoned classroom where she sat up on a desk, crossing her legs up underneath her as she tapped her fingers on the cold wood. He was late, but then she knew that was to be expected. You had to be extra careful when sneaking around Hogwarts these days so there was usually no such thing as a planned meeting time.

She wrapped her arms around herself as a cold chill ran down her spine. This castle was always freezing - though she supposed that was true of most castles, but it seemed to be a lot colder nowadays. She rubbed her arms and jumped when she heard the door creak.

“Hey, sorry.” Seamus’ voice met her ears as before she turned to look at the door, a smile coming over her face despite herself. And he was smiling too. That was something new. He didn’t often smile anymore.

“No worries.” Lavender said as she swivelled around on the desk to face him, her hands dropping to her lap. “You’re in a good mood?” She commented with a soft hum.

“I’ve heard from him. I’ve heard from Dean.”

Lavender froze, her eyes scanning his face as she slowly let herself realise that he wasn’t joking. Her stomach sank. She didn’t understand why though. Hearing from Dean was a good thing and she knew that.

“You did?” She asked, her eyes widening slightly as she tried to let herself process the news, because that had to be the problem, right? She just wasn’t processing what he was saying properly. She just didn’t understand what he was saying. That had to be it.

“Well, in a roundabout way. I know through Ginny that he’s okay. He’s on the run, like we expected, but he’s okay.” Seamus explained.

Lavender nodded slowly as she stood up and moved to wrap her arms around him. “That’s great then. I told you he’d be okay.”

Seamus held her close and she rubbed a hand over his back, knowing that she needed to be there for him. She needed to push away all of her own emotions to make room for his. Her own emotions were far too complicated for her to be able to deal with anyway.

Lavender just held him for a long time, let him keep her as close to him as he wanted. She wasn’t going to argue with him anyway. She was more than happy to be close to him, she felt like she needed to be close to him. She’d even go as far as to say that she loved being this close.

And when he eventually let go, she felt a pang in her chest that made her feel like the world, well her world, would never be the same again. She still didn’t understand the emotions that she was feeling. They seemed to be completely unwarranted at any rate. Dean wasn’t back yet and he was still her Seamus.

Her thoughts stopped in their tracks. He wasn’t hers. She found herself staring at him as those two words rang around her head, ‘her Seamus’. Was that what she wanted? Did she really want him to be his? Was what she was feeling jealousy?

“You okay?” Seamus asked slowly as he reached out to touch her hand.

Lavender flinched away from him without meaning to, her eyes fixed on his before she shook her head and moved away from him. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just. Letting it sink in.” She said quietly. It was the truth at least.

Seamus nodded slowly, his hands now clasped in front of him. Lavender could feel him watching her as she moved to lean against the desk, one ankle crossing over the other. She couldn’t believe that she had allowed this to happen, but she knew that she had to remain somewhat calm now or he would know that something was up. She couldn’t risk him knowing what she was starting to suspect.

“What else did Ginny say?” She asked after a few moments as she realised that sinking into an awkward silence was just about as telling as anything that she could have said just then.

“She said that the man that Dean was with died. So I guess now he’s alone out there somewhere…” Seamus trailed off, swallowing thickly and Lavender bit down on her lip before she stood up and moved to hold his hand.

Once again, she needed to push her own feelings away, push away everything that was going on through her head, through her heart, so that she could be there for him.

* * *

Dean wrapped himself in his sleeping bag, his eyes on the floor of the forest though he could only just see it by the light of the fire. He had never felt as alone as he did now. He’d never  _ been _ as alone as he was now. Ted had been gone for two days and he had no idea what he was meant to do now.

Part of him said to jack it in and make his way back to Hogwarts. He knew the Ministry was there and that it wasn’t exactly safe for people like him there, but he didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t know how else he was meant to go on. He was lost without having anyone by his side.

He dropped his head into his hands and let out a sigh as he tried to get himself to calm down. He knew it wasn’t as dire as it all sounded. He was alive. He’d gotten away from the snatchers and he hadn’t seen anyone since.

He drew in a breath before he stopped and quickly rose to his feet. His sleeping bag dropped to the ground behind him. He raised his wand as he looked around. He’d heard something. He supposed it could have been an animal, but he wasn’t prepared to take that chance.

“Hello?” He called out as he moved away from his sleeping bag, moving around the trees. He lowered his wand when he couldn’t see anyone and realised that he was probably imagining things. He hadn’t slept in what felt like a lifetime now, so hallucinations were to be expected, right?

Slowly he sat down on top of his sleeping bag and decided to root around inside of the backpack for something to eat. He knew there wasn't much left in it, he needed to find a shop or an empty house or something so that he could stock up on supplies, but he didn't even know how far away he was from civilisation. He could be miles away, or he might have just had to go over the next hill. He didn't really know where he was.

Finally he found a rice cake buried at the bottom of the bag and fished it out, unwrapping it. He hated rice cakes but he knew that he couldn't exactly be picky when he didn't know when or where his next meal was coming from. He crumpled the wrapper up in his fist and stuffed it into one of the pockets before he froze again. 

He had definitely heard a voice nearby that time. His head snapped up as he looked around him. But he didn't see anything before everything went dark.


	4. Chapter 4

Seamus couldn't help but go about with a little more pep in his step now. Knowing that all was not lost had made him feel like he could take on the world again, that was a feeling he had lost when he'd lost contact with Dean. He tried to tone down his optimism a little though as he realised that not everyone was able to share his newfound outlook on life. 

One of those people was Lavender. She seemed to be a bit quieter, but he did wonder if she had been like this for a while and he just simply hadn't noticed because he'd been so wrapped up in himself, in how this war was affecting him. He'd been pretty selfish, he knew that. But he certainly didn't want Lavender to suffer because of his oversights. He didn't know how to make it up to her though, except to make sure that everyone avoided detentions as much as possible - which wasn't easy when you could land in detention for so much as breathing at the wrong time or in the wrong tone.

Seamus hadn't realised that breathing could have a tone before he had met the Carrows, but they seemed to be under the impression that you could. He had to admit that the pair of siblings terrified him. He tried his hardest to avoid them, but that wasn't always possible, especially not with Neville's suggestion that they protect those younger than them.

He let out a sigh as he made his way from the RoR up to the Gryffindor tower. As much as Neville wanted him to sleep down in the makeshift dorm room, Seamus couldn't make himself. It just didn't feel right. For seven years he had slept in the same room, in the same bed, and that wasn't going to change now. He didn't even particularly care that he was the last one left in the dorm. He had gotten used to the absence of his four friends, but then he supposed he had also filled their places (but not really) with Lavender.

He gave the password to the Fat Lady before climbing through the portrait hole and dropping into an armchair by the fire where he waited for the girl. He wouldn't go to bed without her there, though he knew that they hadn't actually arranged to meet up that night. In fact, he'd barely seen her all day, but they didn't always spend time with each other. It was rare that he didn't spend at least some time in the company of Lavender, but he supposed it wasn't totally unheard of.

He shrugged off the weird feeling that had accompanied that thought and closed his eyes instead as he allowed for the fire to just simply warm him. Before he knew it, he had dozed off, however.

* * *

Lavender found Seamus asleep in the Gryffindor common room and she gave a soft sigh as she pulled a throw off of one of the sofas. She covered him over with a small shake of her head before she paused.

Part of her said to just curl up under the throw with him, because that was what was normal. The other, more rational side of her knew that she needed to protect herself from having her heart broken, so instead she just sat on one of the other armchairs, grabbing a book from her bag.

Lavender didn't know how long she had been reading for when she heard a rather groggy voice coming from Seamus' direction. 

"Why no wake me?"

Lavender looked up over the top of her book, raising an eyebrow slightly as she watched the boy rub the sleep out of his eyes. "You looked like you needed it." She said with a slight shrug before the marked her page and set her book down in her lap. "Good sleep?" 

"Mm, you could say that." Seamus hummed, his arms slowly reaching out in her direction.

Lavender knew that he was expecting her to just simply move into his arms, to let him wrap his arms around her and for her to curl up in his lap, but she ended up just staring at him instead. She wanted nothing more than to let him hold her, to be close to him, to let his body heat hers, but she knew that she needed to protect herself from further heartbreak. It already hurt enough that Seamus was ready for Dean to come home.

"Going to bed?" She asked as she nodded in the direction of his dorm. She hoped that the slight subject deflection would at least distract him from her awkwardness.

Seamus was on his feet and reaching a hand down to her within moments. Lavender knew he realised that something was up, and she was grateful that he seemed to have the sense not to push her. She'd have to explain to him sooner or later, she knew that, but for now she really just needed the chance to actually process her thoughts.

She let herself take his hand though, and let him lead her up to his room where she changed into the pyjamas that she kept there. She paused before allowing herself to sit down on the end of his bed, a yawn escaping her.

They had a pattern that they seemed to follow and it never occurred to her to be self-conscious about changing in front of him. He'd seen her at her worst after all and that was far more embarrassing. She did tonight, however, find herself wondering just how much of that would change if she came clean about the way that she felt.

She shook those thoughts away as Seamus wrapped his arms around her from behind and pulled her down. It didn't matter, she decided as she closed her eyes and snuggled close. They were together and that was what mattered.

* * *

Dean woke up on a cold, stone floor and blinked rapidly as he looked around himself. It was dark, mostly too dark to see, but the low hum of voices told him that he wasn't alone. He didn't know if that was a good or bad thing yet though.

He winced as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, realising quickly that he was wounded but as he tried to move his arm to check himself over, he saw that someone had attempted to bandage him up.

He used his good arm to check his pockets for his wand, but unfortunately there was no such luck. He let out a sigh and decided to go and check out where the voices were coming from. He stood up and moved towards them, a little tentatively as he still had no idea where he was.

"Luna!" He exclaimed when he caught sight of the blonde who was sitting chatting to an elderly man he recognised but couldn't name.

"Hello Dean." Luna greeted him, patting the ground beside her.

"Where are we?" Dean asked as he sat himself down next to the girl, his eyes still scanning the room for any clues.

"A dungeon." Luna said matter-of-factly. "I think it's Malfoy's." She added. "Dean, this is Mr Ollivander."

Dean stared at her. She baffled him at the best of times but he didn't understand how she could be so calm when they were literally being kept in a dungeon. But then he’d always shared the theory with the rest of their friends that she lived in a world of her own. He supposed it would help to protect her at times like this.

Dean shook his head slightly, trying to snap himself out of it before he looked to Ollivander. The elderly man didn’t look good at all. He wondered how long he and Luna had been down there in that dungeon, but he doubted they would know if he asked so he just looked between the two of them before nodding.

“Was it you who patched me up?” He asked Luna instead as he indicated his arm - though he didn’t even know how he hurt it. The last thing he remembered was being in the forest, and nothing after that.

“Yes. I did what I could. They have our wands though so I can’t do much more.” Luna told him, giving his shoulder a gentle pat. “Would you like some bread?” She asked as she reached for a plate of some rather stale bread.

Dean paused for a moment before nodding. He was starving and if stale bread was all that was on offer then he would have to take it. “Yeah, thanks.” He took the bread from her and moved so that he could lean his back against the wall.

His life was surreal as it was, so though he was once again terrified for his life, it was something that he was getting used to by now.


	5. Chapter 5

Lavender sat by the lake on a rather warm Saturday. She’d needed some air and more importantly some space from those that she’d been in close quarters with for the last… who even knew how long. Time didn’t seem to exist anymore. All that seemed to exist was fear. Fear that she could practically feel radiating off of those around her. It was now in her bones. She could feel the fear spreading throughout her body like a cancer. She didn’t even have as much as others to be afraid of though.

She’d left Seamus pouring over the list of the dead that one of the sixth years had transcribed from the radio. She knew he was looking for Dean’s name. He was always looking for Dean’s name. She couldn’t blame him, it had been a month since the last sighting, and she knew that she was always going to play second fiddle to Dean.

She’d been very careful to keep her mouth shut, to keep her emotions in check though. Seamus didn’t seem to suspect that her own feelings for him had been growing, that she was now pretty sure that she was in love with him.

She’d tried not to let this happen, but spending less time with him just wasn’t an option. He needed her, especially as the time between the Dean sighting had grown. And even though she was getting hurt, that didn’t matter.

With a sigh, Lavender dropped her head between her knees and allowed her eyes to close momentarily. She didn’t know what to do. She supposed that she could just keep living like this. There was nothing particularly wrong with this. She was close to him, which was what she wanted. She got to sleep in his bed every night. She got to spend everyday with him, so really why rock the boat?

But she needed more. She needed something that she just wasn’t getting. Something that she couldn’t even describe because she didn’t know exactly what it was she was even missing. Maybe it was just to know that she was loved in return?

Slowly she sat back up again as she felt a hand on her back. She didn’t even have to look to know who it was. She knew him by the smell of him alone.

“Hey.” Seamus’ voice was quiet but he sounded at least somewhat okay so Lavender could at least breathe that Dean’s name hadn’t been on the list.

“Hi.” She replied just as quietly before she turned her head to look at him. She wanted to remind him that no news was good news, but the words just wouldn’t form as she watched him face, watched his lips. Part of her wanted to kiss them, part of her wondered if kissing them would bring back that cheeky little smile of his that she missed so dearly. Another part of her knew that doing something like that would be beyond stupid, beyond risky.

“What?” Seamus asked after a moment, his head tilted to the side slightly now, his voice snapping her out of her thoughts and back to the present, back to the real world.

“Nothing.” She said quickly, shaking her head as she gave him a small smile. “Think I need a nap is all.” She said as she pushed herself to her feet, but before she could make her way back up to the castle, Seamus had caught her hand.

“Lav…” There was something about his voice that made Lavender want to both run and cry at the same time, but she made herself stop in her tracks instead and slowly she turned to face him.

* * *

Seamus had been trying to put his finger on what was different about Lavender for a long time now, but no matter how he’d tried to look at things, he’d not been able to figure any of it out. She seemed distant, even though nothing about their routine, nothing about their daily lives had changed, and yet, she didn’t seem to always be there any more.

He was worried about her. He was just as worried about her as he was worried about Dean if he was completely honest, and he hadn’t up until that point thought that he could ever feel about someone else the way he did about Dean in any shape or form. And now here Lavender was practically pushing him away and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do.

He tightened his grip on her fingers, scared that she would try to pull away if he gave her so much as an inch in which to do so. Whatever was going on with her, he needed her to tell him so that he could help her, so that he wouldn’t lose her.

“Can you please let me go?” Lavender asked, her eyes not meeting his gaze but she wasn’t pulling her hand away from his.

“Lav, look at me.” Seamus reached out with his free hand and slowly tilted her chin upwards so that she wouldn’t really have a choice but to look at him. “Please.”

When she eventually met his gaze, he felt his breath catch in his throat. He couldn’t understand quite why. She was still the same girl that he had always known, but there was something in her eyes, or maybe behind her eyes that spoke to his soul. He stood there, staring at her, words not forming as his heart hammered in his chest.

“Please, let me go.” Lavender whispered after what felt like a lifetime, her voice breaking the silence and his heart hammering his chest as she spoke, but he did. He dropped her hand and watched as she took a few hesitant steps backwards away from him.

He watched her as she turned around and practically ran back up to the castle. He couldn’t move though. He was frozen in place. He couldn’t even feel his feet to try to follow her if he could have managed to form the thought to follow her in the first place. His brain was at that moment far too busy trying to work out what his heart had just tried to tell him.

But he couldn’t understand it. How could he feel a connection that strong to someone that wasn’t Dean when his feelings for the other boy were still there, would never change? It just didn't make sense.

He wasn't sure what snapped him out of his thoughts, but when he zoned back in, he found that Neville was by his side.

"Hey. You alright?"

All Seamus could do was shake his head as he tried to form an answer that wasn't him purely screaming 'what the feck' at the top of his lungs. He took several slow breaths and ran his fingers over his face before he let his gaze meet Neville’s. He was somewhat relieved to note that the same wave of emotions didn't wash over him as he looked into the eyes of his other best friend, but that didn't make him feel any easier about the whole situation with Lavender.

"I.." He began slowly as he glanced up towards the castle, a part of him wishing that Lavender would walk back out to come find him. "I think I've just screwed everything up." He said quietly, swallowing thickly. And while he knew that he couldn't really leave it at that, he didn't exactly know how he was meant to explain this one to Neville. "I think.." He started again as he turned to look at the other boy. "I think I'm in love with Lavender."

Somehow saying the words out loud made them so much clearer to him as well. He knew that they were true now.

"But Dean…?" Neville asked the very question that was at the forefront of Seamus' mind.

"I still love him too." There was no question of that as he said it, which prompted him to ask "Do you think it's possible to be in love with two people at once?"

Neville paused for a long moment and Seamus realised that he probably wasn't exactly the person to ask considering that Neville had never been in love with anyone before, but it wasn't as if Seamus had anyone that he could ask.

"I don't know." He said finally. "I guess so if you are?" 

Seamus gave a slight nod. Neville’s answer was as helpful as he expected, but at least it wasn't a firm no and that did make him feel at least a little bit better. "Thanks." He said quietly, though he was genuinely grateful that Neville didn't think him to be entirely mad.

* * *

Dean woke to the sounds of the sea crashing against the shore. It was a very different noise to what he had become accustomed to and if he was being completely honest, it was actually a little unsettling that no-one was screaming in the room above him. He sat himself up, glancing up at the sofa where the blanket and pillow he had been given lay untouched. He couldn't bring himself to use either of them. It wasn't because he wasn't grateful for the hospitality that Bill and Fleur had shown him, but more that those were comforts he just wasn't used to. They hadn't had any bedding at all when they were in the dungeon.

He hummed as he stretched out his arms before pulling himself to his feet. He moved towards the window and looked out across the sand dunes towards the sea. He couldn't quite get over just how bright the world was. It was beautiful. Even though he knew the body of the elf that saved them lay out there. It was still beautiful.

He rested his hands against the glass, just letting himself watch the waves as they crashed down on the shore. He was free. Well, sort of. He was still in hiding, but he'd been assured that he was more than safe here so he didn't need to go back out on the run. He could stay here with Ollivander, Luna, and the Goblin Griphook who he had become close friends with while in the dungeon.

He had wondered, but hadn't asked about it yet, if there was a way that Bill could pass a message to his sister (and subsequently Seamus) that he was okay. He realised that was probably a very risky thing to do though and he didn't want to put everyone else in danger.

A sigh escaped him as he traced a line across the glass. He missed being able to draw. He hadn't been able to in so long now that he wasn't sure that he would even remember how. As daft as it sounded to even think that when art - drawing and sketching - was as much a part of his soul as Seamus was and he knew for a fact that he hadn't forgotten anything about his Irish boy.

He still knew exactly how Seamus smelled in the morning, how he ate his toast, how he smiled, how his body moved, how his body fitted against Dean's when they were in bed. Seamus was probably the one thing that he would never forget, no matter what.

Slowly Dean sat down next to the window. Part of him knew that he should go and find his hosts or one of the others who had been rescued with him just yesterday, but he was also just enjoying being alone. He hadn't truly been alone since the snatchers had captured him. It was nice just to be alone with his thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

Lavender was pacing the floor of her dorm as Parvati watched her. She wasn't particularly happy that she was being watched but she was far too frustrated to actually say anything so she just continued to pace up and down before she finally stopped in her tracks and turned to face her best friend.

"Where does he get off making me feel like this?" She practically demanded the answer from Parvati, though she knew that this had nothing to do with the girl. "Why now?"

Parvati opened her mouth to answer but Lavender began pacing again before she could actually answer. She half expected a 'told you so' to be thrown at her by the girl anyway. But this wasn't the time.

There had been a moment. A real moment when they were down by the lake. A moment that she couldn't get out of her head now. She'd felt it and she was sure that he had too.

But it hadn't made her feel any better about the whole situation. Not one bit. In fact it had made her feel like she was becoming a homewrecker. And that made her feel sick. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Dean. He'd been her friend just as long as Seamus had.

"Talk me through what happened again?" Parvati asked slowly but Lavender shook her head. She knew that there wasn't any point talking it over. She had spent the better part of the last month pushing her feelings to the side, not even thinking about it, let alone talking about it. She had no idea how she was meant to stop doing that now.

She stopped her pacing again and turned to face the other girl. She didn't even know how to put it into words that even though she felt this crushing sense of guilt that there was the remote chance that Seamus did in fact like her back, she wasn't sorry. She wasn't sorry for someone actually liking her back.

"Maybe you should just go and talk to him.." Parvati suggested. 

Lavender stared at her. That was the obvious thing to do and she'd already considered it. But what if it ruined everything? What if they talked and it became more clear to them both that the best thing for them both was to avoid each other? Or what if she was wrong and he felt absolutely nothing for her? She couldn't bear that, not now, not after their shared moment.

"Or not…" Parvati sighed as she stood up, moving to pat Lavender's shoulder. "At least come for dinner." She said instead as she moved passed the girl. 

Lavender swallowed thickly as she tried to pull herself back together. She wasn't feeling particularly hungry, but she knew that if she didn't go then Seamus would assume that she was avoiding him. Of course, avoiding him was exactly what every fibre of her being was screaming at her to do just then, but she knew she had to fight it. Even if she didn't want to face reality, she couldn't let Seamus know that anything was out of the ordinary. 

She gave a small sigh and a shake of her head to snap herself out of the funk that was threatening to take over her and turned to follow Parvati down to the Great Hall.

* * *

Seamus looked up from his plate just in time to see Lavender walk in. He bit his lip as he watched her take a seat with Parvati and some other girls up at the top of the table and tried to ignore the pang in his chest that she wasn't sitting with him. He was so used to her always being there by his side that he didn't really remember what it was like not to eat a meal without her. He knew he couldn't expect her to always be there though, that wasn't fair at all. She was her own person, she was allowed her own life. It would just take him a moment to get used to, especially if she was going to make this a habit now.

He wanted to go and sit with her. Well, actually, he wanted to pull her aside to have a conversation with her, but he knew that he needed to sort his own head out first before he could do that. He still didn't know whether it was possible to be in love with two people at once. Ordinarily this would have been a conversation that he would have with Lavender. She knew about love and romance and things like that, whereas Neville was more than a little bit useless. But Lavender was the one person he couldn't talk to about all of this. At least not yet. 

He also really wanted to talk to Dean, to let the love of his life know that there was a place in his heart for Lavender as something other than a friend. And somehow he doubted that Dean would be very pleased about that, considering how he'd reacted when Dean had found out about the innocent kiss that he and Lavender had shared before he and Dean were even together.

He dropped his eyes to his plate. His appetite had all but disappeared now but at least the food gave him something to focus on that wasn't Lavender. He doubted that she'd be all that impressed if she looked up and found him staring at her anyway.

He only glanced up again when he felt Neville’s knee bump against his. He tried to give the boy a smile but he knew that it didn't reach his eyes. He couldn't help that though. He was stressed and that was putting it mildly.

"I think I'm gonna get out of here." He told Neville as he stood up slowly, glancing up the table just in time to catch Lavender's eye. She quickly looked away but not before a pang rippled through his body causing the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.

Neville didn't say anything, or if he did then Seamus didn't hear him as he all but sprinted out of the hall. He headed up to the Room of Requirement, pausing outside where the door should have been. When it didn't appear, he realised that what he really needed was to be alone with his thoughts and a room full of scared students wasn't the place for that.

Seamus made his way up to his dorm instead and flopped down on his bed, face down. He lay there for a few moments before rolling onto his side and pulling his pillow down to his cheat where he hugged it tight. He knew he needed to get a grip, but he didn't know how to do that.

* * *

Dean had tried not to eavesdrop on Harry, Hermione and Ron's conversations while they were at Shell Cottage, but it just wasn't that easy. He was too curious, he couldn't deny that. He needed to know how long this war was going to go on for. He'd been on the run for far too long now. And now that he was no longer a prisoner, he was technically on the run again. He wanted to know whether Harry was any closer to taking down Voldemort, but unfortunately the snippets of conversations that he had overheard hadn't really made any sense to him. He couldn't ask what they meant though because he wasn't meant to actually hear in the first place.

He tried to keep his mind busy by drawing. He'd managed to scrounge some ink and parchment from Fleur so he spent most of his time at the kitchen table drawing. Often he sketched Seamus, the boy's face always being at the forefront of his mind, but he also drew Ted and those that had been staying at Shell Cottage. Luna took most of the drawings of herself, though Dean didn't know what she did with them. If he was honest, he was too afraid to ask. He just left her to it. And when she sat beside him while he sketched, he let her ramble on and on about whatever she wanted. It was nice not to have to sit in silence at any rate. It stopped him from thinking and worrying and that was something that was more than welcome.

Eventually Harry, Hermione and Ron left and it was actually sort of a relief for him. At least while they weren't there, he could pretend that they were a few more steps closer to ending all of this, but while he was under the same roof as them then he was all too aware of how hurt and tired they all were. It didn’t exactly help to restore his faith that this would all be over soon to know what the condition the so-called Chosen One was in.

But now that they were out of the cottage, Dean couldn’t help but feel somewhat helpless. Especially when he knew that there was nothing he could do from there but keep himself alive, and the worst part was that he knew that in the grand scheme of things, he wasn’t actually all that important.

So sketching was what kept him at least sort of entertained and kept his mind quiet. It was busy work, but not important work. He tried to help out around the house as much as he possibly could, to help take as much as he could off of Bill and Fleur’s plates.

Bill was in and out quite often; Dean didn’t ask what he was doing but he knew that whatever he did was important. What he and Fleur were doing - housing runaways - was important too. It kept a small sliver of hope alive and that was something that everyone needed.


	7. Chapter 7

Lavender bit her lip as she stood outside the door of Seamus’ room, her hand was on the door handle but she didn’t know if she should go in. She’d run away from him once and even now she wasn’t sure if she was ready to have the conversation that she knew was about to happen, that needed to happen. It scared her but she’d seen how hurt he looked at dinner, so she knew that she couldn’t let them both hide from their feelings any longer.

It was one thing to hide from her own ones, but she couldn’t make him feel like this. He didn’t deserve this. She had to take a slow breath to steady herself, but she knew that this was the right thing to do. It would at least put him out of his misery if she allowed him to know where her head was at.

Eventually she pushed the door open and when she saw him curled up on the bed she felt a knot form in the pit of her stomach. She knew that she was the one who did this to him and she knew that she had to put it right. She swallowed thickly before she made her way over to his bed.

“Shay..?” She said quietly as she sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. Something felt off. This was their place, but it didn’t feel like it was anymore. At least not in that moment.

Seamus slowly looked up at her and she watched as he attempted to give her a smile. She saw the small movement of his lips and waited for it to spread across his features, but that didn’t seem to happen.

“I’m sorry.” She said quietly, her hand moving to touch his arm as the guilt spread through her that this was what she was doing to him, that this was what she was putting him through.

“For what?” Seamus asked quickly, a frown quickly appearing as he sat himself up and his eyes widening slightly. “What on earth have you got to be sorry about?”

Lavender stared at him. She didn’t understand why he wasn’t mad at her just then. The fact that he even had to ask what was going on didn’t help her to feel any more relaxed about the whole situation, that was for sure. “I…” She began but trailed off. She still didn’t know how to put any of it into words.

Seamus’ fingers were on her cheek as she tried not to let herself tear up. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Lav.” He said softly. “I’m glad you’re here though.” He added, his fingers trailing over her skin. “I think...I think there’s some things that we need to lay on the table.”

Lavender lay her hand over his as she attempted to fight her nerves. He was staying close to her, so that had to be a good sign, right? But that didn’t stop the knot that was in her stomach from tightening.

* * *

“I don’t know what this is.” Seamus said honestly as he watched the girl. He had no idea what he was meant to do about this, but his heart was telling him that she needed to know where his head was at. “But I do know that I… I have feelings for you, Lavender.”

Lavender said nothing. Her eyes were wide as she stared at him, but other than that she appeared to show no reaction whatsoever. For a brief moment he wondered if he had overstepped, if he had read the whole situation wrong, but he knew that it was at least his truth and he knew that he needed to at least get it out there.

He couldn’t force her to say anything though. He couldn’t make her say what he thought was on her mind. It wasn’t his place to tell people how they felt either. He knew from experience that he couldn’t dictate what anyone felt.

She didn’t move his hand away from his though. Her hand stayed on his so slowly he took her hand into his, his thumb moving over her skin.

“I know it’s complicated.” He continued, his voice small but he hoped he at least sounded confident in his own words. “I know it sounds absolutely insane, but I am in love with two people at once. And while I don’t want to cheat on Dean, I don’t want to lose you either.” He paused as he saw the tears forming in Lavender’s eyes, feeling tears pricking at the back of his eyes too.

“I love you too.” Lavender whispered, her voice shaking slightly, but her eyes met his and held his gaze.

Seamus wanted to kiss her then. He wanted to press his lips to herself and wrap himself around her, but he knew that he couldn’t. He needed to talk to Dean before he could do anything like that. It wasn’t fair to the other boy to make any moves before they’d had a conversation. The problem was that he had no idea when that would be.

Instead he just simply moved to lean his forehead against hers, his eyes closing for a moment as he let his heart rate steady. He knew that she would be going through the same emotions of guilt and fear that he was, and while he didn’t want her to be going through any of that, it was somewhat comforting that he wasn’t alone.

After a little while, he moved to wrap his arms around her and pulled her close to him, let her fall against him as he lay down. This was their normal at least, and though it felt completely different now, it at least wasn’t cheating. This wasn’t something he felt like he would have to hide from Dean. That was the rule, right? Don’t do anything that you would have to hide from your partner.

* * *

Dean stuffed the wand that Bill had given him into his pocket as he pulled his jacket on. It felt like he was suiting up for battle, but he supposed that was actually what he was doing. They were about to march into battle. The siren had been sounded and he was going to finally get to go back to the castle he looked on as his second home. He wished it was under better circumstances, but at least he was also going to get to be useful.

He took Luna’s hand into his own and gave it a small squeeze before they apparated to the Hog’s Head. The dingy pub was quiet but at the same time, Dean could feel it buzzing from the activity that he knew was happening in the back rooms. He didn’t let himself look at anyone as he walked through, his hand still holding onto Luna’s tightly.

They were greeted by an elderly man who looked very much like their late Headmaster, but Dean knew he was actually the landlord of the pub.

Aberforth met them with a nod. “She’s waiting for you.” He told them as he indicated the portrait on the wall in which there was a young girl.

The painting swung away from the wall to reveal a hole and this was when Dean let go of Luna’s hand, but only so that he could climb into the wall. He knew from the information that Bill had given them that this was a passageway that would take them to Hogwarts. He took a deep breath before he turned to reach down to help the blonde haired girl up. He knew she would be feeling the same anxieties that he was but he was hoping that she was being fueled by the same adrenaline that he was.

They walked in silence along the passageway with only the sound of their breathing and the light on the end of Dean’s wand to guide them along, but when they reached the end of the passageway, Dean had to pause. He needed another moment. They didn’t know what was about to face them on the other side of the door. Hell, they didn’t even know if they would make it back out of the castle alive, but he knew that delaying it meant that they were definitely not going to be any use to anyone.

Luna gave his hand a squeeze and then she did the hard part and pushed the door open. Dean blinked rapidly as he was met with the bright lights of a room that he didn’t recognise. He paused as he wondered if they’d been given the wrong information by Bill but then he saw  _ him _ amongst the milling students in front of him. Seamus.

Dean dropped Luna’s hand and all but leapt out of the passageway. “Shay!” He called as he tried to make sure that he was heard over the top of all the other students who appeared to be forming queues and heading in the opposite direction to him.

Seamus heard him though and spun around on his heel to face Dean. Dean watched as his face lit up and in just a couple of strides he had his arms wrapped around his Irish boy and his lips were pressed against his.


	8. Chapter 8

Lavender couldn’t help but smile as she watched Seamus being reunited with Dean. Sure, it hurt on one level, but she loved to see Seamus happy and Dean made him happy, whether she liked it or not. As Dean pulled back, she gave Seamus a small smile before she busied herself helping the younger students get out of the castle.

She didn’t have time to be sentimental. It was time to prepare for battle. This was what they’d pretty much been waiting for and even though she knew that Neville had been working to keep their skills sharp, she didn’t think that she was ready for this.

She saw the last of the students through the passageway and turned back to the room to see the last of her friends leaving the Room of Requirement. She took a deep breath and exchanged a look with Parvati who had been helping her before she girl moved to wrap her in a hug.

She wished that Parvati hadn’t as she felt herself tear up, but she quickly pushed them down as Parvati gave her a gentle squeeze. She took some strength from her best friend and once she was sure that she had it together, she silently pulled back and pressed a kiss to the side of her cheek and then hand in hand they left the room.

It wasn’t long before they were thrown into the fold and Lavender lost Parvati as they faced the Death Eaters. She ended up duelling someone and only just managing to escape as she stunned the witch she was facing, though not without getting knocked off her feet. She let out a yelp but she knew that there wasn’t time to cower or to lick her wounds so she got herself back on her feet.

She leaned against the stone wall she’d found herself backed up against as she tried to choose her next plan of action. Her heart was pounding in her chest but she knew she had to head towards the yells and not in the opposite direction, despite all of her instincts telling her to run in the opposite direction.

She was glad that she fought it when she rounded the corner to find Seamus in a duel with a masked Death Eater. It looked like he was losing as well. The Death Eater had him backed into a corner. She quickly jumped to his aid, taking the man down from behind. She knew it wasn’t how you were meant to duel, but this was a case of life and death. She was just glad that she’d at least managed to save the man that held her heart.

“Lav..” Seamus’ breathing was ragged, but he did look truly pleased to see Lavender so she didn’t hesitate in wrapping his arms around him and without even thinking about it, she pressed her lips to his.

To her surprise, Seamus kissed her back. She knew that he probably hadn’t had any sort of talk with Dean about her, but honestly, in that moment, she didn’t care about Dean. As awful as that was to admit just to herself. She just cared that there was a chance that she and the Irish boy might die, that she might never get to have this moment with him.

She leaned her forehead against his as he pulled back and whispered “I love you, Shay.” She had to tell him, just in case it was the last time that she was going to get to tell him.

“I love you, Lav.” He whispered back, his fingers tangling in her hair for a brief moment before they both realised that they needed to get back into the fold. They couldn’t hide here and they both knew it.

* * *

Seamus took Lavender’s hand as she pulled away from him and let her lead him through the winding corridors of the castle. They both hand their wands held up high in front of them as they didn’t know who they were about to come face to face with and they both knew that they had to be prepared.

Seamus knew he couldn’t stay with Lavender though. He knew that if they fought side by side then he would be far too distracted by her presence, that he would want to protect her all the time, not keep himself safe. He was exactly the same way with Dean and that’s why after their initial reunion, they had split up. Sure, it was torture not knowing where his boyfriend was or if he was even alive, but this was something that he had grown used to over the last few months.

They reached the entrance hall and Lavender dropped his hand without another word and he knew that she was probably thinking along the same lines as he was. He let her go, watching her for a moment longer than he should have done before he realised that a Death Eater was coming up the stairs towards him.

Seamus spun on his heel and sent a curse down towards him, knocking the Death Eater backwards and tumbling back down the stairs. Seamus let himself take a short breath before he all but ran down the stairs. He’d lost Lavender already, but then that was the plan. He couldn’t let himself wonder where she was, he needed to just throw himself into the battle.

He threw out curses left, right, and centre, not really checking to see that they all hit their target. All he really cared about in that moment was forcing the Death Eaters back and hoping to get them back and out of the castle.

He found his way back out into the grounds which was where he had started the battle, it was where he had left Neville as he’d gotten forced back inside the building, but he had no qualms about whether or not his friend could handle the Death Eaters he was facing there. He caught sight of Neville pretty quickly and joined him in an instant. The man was in trouble, but he seemed to be mainly keeping calm and collected.

He fought by Neville’s side, somewhere that he pretty much felt that he had been trained to fight, which he knew was mainly thanks to Neville himself. It didn’t matter that they were both exhausted by this point, it just mattered that they had each other’s back.

And then Seamus watched as a curse hit Neville and he crumpled to the ground. Without thinking, he was reaching a hand out to the man and helping him up. Neville’s hand grabbed onto his and at the same time, Seamus felt a sting in his back.

Everything then went black.

* * *

Dean had only just exited the castle and it seemed that everything happened in slow motion in the courtyard. First Neville had been hit by a curse, winding him momentarily and knocking him down. But it was what happened next that had all but stopped his world. Just the same as Ted, Seamus was hit by a green flash of light.

Dean flew into action as Seamus fell onto Neville. His instincts fortunately took charge and he sent the Death Eaters who had been around the pair flying.

By this time Neville had moved Seamus from on top of him and was shaking him.

Dean sprinted across the courtyard and pulled the Irish boy into his arms. His eyes were staring up, lifeless. And he knew that it was hopeless. He knew that Seamus was gone.

But before they could do any more or say anything else, a loud voice filled the air around them, "You have one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat your injured." And when Dean glanced up, reluctant to take his eyes off of Seamus even for a moment, he saw that there were no Death Eaters left around them.

"Come on." Neville’s voice was small but he was on his feet now. "I'll help you take him to the Hall."

Dean shook his head, a sob now building up in his chest and forcing its way out in a strangled hiccup noise. Seamus couldn't be dead. He'd only just got him back. He couldn't have left him. Not like this. Not when they were so close.

"Dean…" Neville’s hand was on his shoulder now, giving it a small squeeze. "This isn't the place for him."

Dean didn't resist as Neville gently lifted him to his feet but he did push him away when he saw him try to pick Seamus up. He wanted to do this himself. Slowly he lifted Seamus into his arms and pressed a kiss to the boy's head as he did so before following Neville back into the castle.


	9. Chapter 9

Lavender was getting treatment for a wound on the back of her neck from a run in with a particularly savage Death Eater when she saw Dean enter the Great Hall. She knew something was wrong. She could feel it in her bones and when she saw that he was carrying Seamus, she could practically taste her heartbeat as she watched as Dean lay Seamus down on the floor.

Her neck was suddenly the least of her problems as she jumped to her feet and ran over to where Dean was now slowly reaching over to close Seamus' eyes. He didn't need to tell her, and one look at him, Lavender could see that Dean wouldn't have been able to tell her anything even if she had asked.

The world was suddenly icy cold and everything around her appeared to be getting dimmer, except for Seamus. Seamus' chest was glowing silver. She found herself staring as a silver fox rose up from his body. She knew the fox wouldn't have to go far to find Dean. She'd never seen a soulmate message before, but she didn't think that was the reason that she couldn't tear her eyes away.

She watched as the fox moved to press its nose to Seamus' forehead and found herself frowning as it started violently vibrating. She didn't think that this was meant to happen but she didn't have anything to compare it to so she stayed silent.

It was a few moments before the fox stopped and as it turned around, Lavender saw that there were now two foxes. Her frown deepened and she glanced sideways at Dean who hadn't moved from his position kneeling next to Seamus. His skin had lost its colour and he looked like he was about to throw up. Her eyes were back on the foxes in an instant as she saw them start to move.

One fox walked towards Dean as was to be expected, but the second fox was making a beeline for her. Lavender stood frozen to the spot. A voice in the back of her mind was telling her to start running and to not stop, but she couldn't make herself move.

* * *

Dean opened his arms as one of Seamus' patroni came towards him and let the fox walk directly into his chest. He hadn't ever been told how to accept a soulmate message; he just seemed to know. As the fox entered him, he could hear Seamus' voice in his head, his words clear as day.

"I love you. Thank you for coming back to me. I'm sorry I never got the chance to talk to you about Lavender. You two mean everything to me. Please look after each other. Until we meet again, my love."

Dean closed his eyes tightly as he tried to let Seamus' final words sink in. He didn't need any more of an explanation about what he meant about Lavender. He'd watched the other fox patronus walk straight to her, after all. Which could only mean that she was his soulmate too. Surprisingly, this didn't make him as mad as he thought it would. No, instead he seemed to just feel… Well, he didn't think that there actually was a word to describe the way that he felt in that moment.

He opened his eyes slowly when he felt a hand on his shoulder and slowly he looked up at Neville. Neville whose eyes were red and full of tears, Neville who looked so much older than when they had said goodbye last summer. He knew that a lot had happened over the last year and that they had all had to grow up far too fast.

His eyes moved back to Seamus' body and slowly he reached out to take his love's hand into his own. He was growing colder by the minute, but Dean wasn't ready to let go. He didn't care that time was running out, that soon they needed to prepare for battle again so that Harry could finish this once and for all.

Neville squeezed his shoulder gently. "I'm… I'm sorry." He whispered.

Dean couldn't look at him. He knew that if he did then he would start sobbing and as he looked down at Seamus' lifeless body and her the sniffling coming from behind them, he knew that he couldn't afford to break down. He knew the sniffling was Lavender and he knew that Seamus had asked him to look after her, but while he was feeling this indifference towards her, he wasn't sure that he could.

Eventually Neville let go of his shoulder and he heard him shuffle away. Without looking, he knew that the man was doing what he was unable to and comforting Lavender. He could hear him shushing her like a child and it was that sound that snapped him out of his own head.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Seamus' hand and then his cheek before he stood up.


	10. Chapter 10

Lavender couldn't help but stare at Dean with wide eyes. He didn't look angry which she decided was a plus. She wanted to explain that nothing had actually happened between her and Seamus, that neither of them had wanted to hurt him, that this wasn't how either of them wanted him to find out, but instead she just stood there.

"Can we have a minute?" Dean asked Neville, his voice trembling slightly but Neville nodded and after giving Lavender a gentle squeeze he moved off to go and help patch up some of the injured.

Lavender still didn't move, she didn't feel like she could. She opened her mouth to speak but all that came out was a strangled sob.

Dean had his arms wrapped around her in the next instant and pulled her against his chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and she let herself lean against him, let herself take comfort from him and from the knowledge that he was hurting just as much as she was in that moment.

"Thank you." She heard him say quietly. "Thank you for loving him. Thank you for looking out for him. Thank you."

Lavender shook her head rapidly but couldn't form the words to let him know that she didn't need to be and wouldn't be thanked for doing any of that but Dean just kissed her forehead again.

She let him hold her for a while longer, her arms wrapped around him tightly in return until she heard the voice she had grown to despise fill the air around them. She froze as she heard the news. Harry was dead. All this had been for nothing.

"Come on." Dean said shakily as he pulled back and led her outside, practically sprinting as they tried to find the others.

Everyone had gathered in the entrance hall and though Lavender couldn't see anything over the heads of her fellow survivors, she knew that Voldemort wasn't lying from their reactions. Everything seemed to happen in a blur after that though. One moment Harry was dead, the next Neville was chopping a snake in half and Harry was alive.

Lavender felt like she was in some sort of daze, and she reckoned she probably was in some sort of state of shock. She'd been wounded and lost her best friend and soulmate after all.

And then just like that they were back in battle mode and she lost Dean in the crowds.

* * *

Dean pushed passed the throngs of friends and family as they were reuniting as he looked at every single injured and deceased person who lay in the Great Hall. He hadn't seen Lavender since the armistice had ended and he was terrified that he'd lost her too. He needed her, as much as he really didn't want to admit that just now, it was the truth. She was a part of Seamus and that made her, in turn, a part of him. That thought alone scared him. He wasn't ready to lose two parts of him, especially not when he hadn't even known about the second part until a few hours ago.

Finally he caught sight of her, sitting and alive, but slumped against a wall as Parvati worked to heal a wound on the back of her neck. Dean ran over, kneeling on in front of her and taking one of her hands into his.

"Lav?" He asked slowly, wanting to know that she was okay, even though he knew that she couldn't be. He just needed to hear her voice.

"Dean." She whispered his name, her voice gave away just how exhausted she was. Dean knew they were all exhausted but there was something in Lavender's tone that worried him.

He gave her hand a squeeze and exchanged glances with Parvati, letting the other girl work away. He needed and wanted her to be okay, and not just because Seamus had asked him to look after her. There was something else, other than duty, that he felt for her, though he couldn't seem to put a name on it. He was grateful to her anyway. She'd been the one that had been there with his - their - Seamus when he couldn't.

"Stay awake now, Lav." He said softly as he reached out to touch her cheek, to get her to look at him through her heavy eyes. "Tell me what I missed this year." He asked as he reckoned he needed to get her talking.

Lavender's words were slow as she told him everything, as she talked about Seamus and Neville, about their work with Dumbledore's Army, about the detentions they'd all had to endure at the hands of the Carrows. He listened as she told him how Seamus had gotten her through the year, how they'd become practically inseparable and he watched as she took a calculated pause.

"I don't blame either of you for falling in love." Dean told her when she didn't seem to be able to continue. "I'm glad he had you."

Lavender swallowed thickly, her eyes glancing down as she obviously blinked back tears. "We didn't do anything, I promise." She whispered. Her voice was stronger now though. "We kissed once, and that was just today, or yesterday even."

"It's okay." Dean said quietly, and he meant it. He didn't fully understand how Seamus could feel this way about Lavender, but he couldn't deny that what Seamus had felt for her was real.

He glanced over at Parvati again. He knew she would be enjoying being able to eavesdrop at any rate, but he really just wanted to know how Lavender was doing.

Parvati seemed to catch the look anyway and she gave him a gentle nod, silently letting him know that she was going to be alright. He gave a small sigh of relief and moved to sit next to Lavender, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She wasn’t Seamus, far from it, but she was there. She was alive. And she needed him as much as he needed her.


	11. Epilogue

Lavender blinked open her eyes as the morning sun streamed in through the slightly ajar curtains. She turned on the bed slightly to find that she was alone, which was something that she definitely wasn’t used to. She sat up slowly as she looked around for Dean. She knew what today was. She knew how hard it would be for the both of them, which was why it was so surprising to find that he wasn’t next to her.

The two of them had found solace in each other over the last year. Dean would never be Seamus, but then, she would never be Seamus either. It was a friendship neither had expected, but both knew that they needed.

“Dean…?” Lavender called to him when she saw him sitting over by the window, staring out into the grounds. She knew what he was looking at, where he could see from where he was sitting. Slowly she moved over to sit next to him, her hand sitting on his arm.

They didn’t have to do or go anywhere today, which was somewhat comforting. Class had been cancelled for everyone, and the only person that had planned anything was Neville who had organised a memorial service for all the Fallen in the Great Hall at midnight.

Dean glanced sideways at her, acknowledging her existence with the corners of his lips twitching. He moved slightly to lean against her, something that they often did if either of them ever needed comfort. Words weren’t often required to exchange between them. What they had went above and beyond that.

It wasn’t as if the two of them didn’t talk though. They talked a lot. They talked about Dean’s experience while he was on the run. They talked about the year Lavender had spent with Seamus. And they talked a lot about Seamus. He was never far from their minds, but they were helping each other to move on.

The plan wasn’t to forget him. That was why they always talked about him, to keep his memory fresh. The plan was to be able to remember him without them both feeling as though their hearts were being ripped out. The plan was to be able to remember him together. Lavender wasn’t sure if this plan included going to Neville’s memorial later though. That was something that they hadn’t actually talked about.

She knew that Dean planned to spend most of the day hiding here, but she also knew that the memorial would provide both of them with some closure. They’d lost more than just Seamus that day, after all, but sometimes it felt like he was the only one that mattered.

She didn’t bring it up though, she couldn’t. She didn’t want him to have to be forced to go and she knew she couldn’t leave him alone, not today. They spent pretty much every waking minute together, even took the same classes, though that was mostly because all the eighth year students took the same classes.

She closed her eyes as she leaned her head on his shoulder as she decided just to let the subject drop and let herself relax in his company. The memorial wasn’t for at least twelve hours so she didn’t have to worry about whether they were or weren’t going.

* * *

Dean glanced up at Lavender, watching her from over the top of his sketchpad. He could tell there was something on her mind but he was mostly too afraid to ask. He wondered if it mirrored his own thoughts or if there was something else going on.

He traced his pen along one of the lines on his paper and gave a small sigh as he realised that he couldn’t exactly let it lie. He set his sketchpad down and crawled along the bed towards her.

“Sickle for your thoughts?” He asked softly as he tried to see what she’d been staring at but he realised that she had probably just been staring into space.

Lavender turned her head slightly to look at him and he saw her give him a small smile. Her smile made him feel that there was a little light in a world that had turned so dark for him. He’d been fighting for the rest of his world to get the same light that this dorm did, but so far it hadn’t worked.

“I’m just… thinking about the memorial.” Lavender admitted. “I want to go.”

Dean felt a knot form in his stomach. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go to support everyone that had also lost someone. He did. But he also wanted today to just be all about the two of them and the man that they had lost. It was selfish, but he figured that they deserved to be more than a little selfish.

He was silent for a little while before he slowly allowed himself to nod. “I know.” He said eventually. “And if you really do want to go, then we’ll go.”

Lavender moved to press a kiss to his cheek and Dean allowed his eyes to close for a moment as he came to terms with what he had just agreed to. When he opened his eyes, he found that Lavender was still looking at him.

“What?” He asked, his head tilting slightly as he met her gaze.

But instead of an answer, he found that her lips were pressed against his. And what’s more is that he was kissing her back. It was weird, but at the same time it felt right and as he pulled back, he realised that the world was a lot brighter than it had been.

He stared at her, his eyes scanning over her features. He didn’t want to sound like a living cliché but it was as if he was seeing her for the first time, or at least in a new light. It wasn’t what he had expected, especially not today, but he definitely wasn’t opposed to it. He’d been completely blindsided by his own developing feelings, not to mention hers. He watched as she dropped her eyes downwards and he knew he had to say or do something.

He reached out quickly to cup her cheek in the palm of his hand. “Thank you.” He whispered. He didn’t exactly know what the kiss they’d just shared meant to either of them but he knew that it was something that had made today feel a lot less like it was the end of the world to him. He leaned forward and kissed her again. For the first time since losing Seamus, he didn’t feel like he was completely broken.


End file.
